Chapter Five: an Odd sort of Mind

I think everyone has a tendency to believe they’re better than everyone else. In most cases, this belief is false. But in some, it is shamefully true. For example, every time I get this feeling of utter supremacy, I try to make myself feel humble again. But then the deeper, darker, more intelligent side of me says, “But people are just so dumb!”

And there, I have me.

Then there are the times I feel terribly alone in my beliefs. Oh please, every teenager feels this way. Almost every day, in fact. The “nobody understands me and my friends don’t like me and my parents embarrass me and I can’t do anything right and even if I am right nobody seems to think so” feelings. You are familiar, yes?

This has led me to sometimes wish that there were two of me. Think of it – a perfect double of yourself that you can control so they don’t steal your boyfriend or anything... but this double could be programmed to agree with every single thing you might say. How wonderful would that be?

Not very. After a while, I mean, can you imagine how annoying it would get? Conversation would, I imagine, go something like this.

“I hate this weather.”

“Me too.”

“It’s so sunny and hot, and how can the sun be so sunny and the sky be so blue when my life totally sucks?”

“I know, really.”

“Today is so lame!”

“It really is.”

“And you’re really bugging me.”

“I know, I totally am.”

“Seriously. Shut up.”

“Oh I know.”

“Ugh! I wish you would do something other than agree.”

“Me too.”

“AHHHHHHH!”
If you didn’t have a reason to complain before, you do now. If you don’t believe me, just try it. I personally think that it’s wonderful when people disagree. Perhaps a robot who disagrees with everything...?

“I hate this weather.”

“Shut up! It’s lovely weather!”

“Stop yelling at me.”

“I’m not yelling!!!”

“You are too!”

“Am not!”

“Uh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh!”

While possibly invigorating for a while, sooner or later you’ll realize that you’re turning into a kindergartener again. So either extreme you take, you’ll find yourself wishing you had taken the other one. But that’s life, isn’t it?

(“Nuh-uh!”)